TeX Forum

Sponsored Ads

Looking For Dating in Japan?

Try Loveawake To Find A Mate In the Following Japanese Cities :

In this series, every woman’s nightmare Alex Wise from Loveawake distributes indispensably honest dating advice to men.

1. Never go on a date with someone who’s obviously way out of your social class.

I don’t care how great her ass looks in that cheap slutty dress she got on discount clearance from http://www.lulus.com.  If you’re not ghetto, don’t date a girl who is.  You’re asking for at least one of three things.  A. she’ll give you the clap.  B.  she has a jealous psycho stalker ex whom also happens to be an ex con.  He’ll be more than happy to pop a cap in your Westchester-raised white bread ass.  C.  She’ll make out with you on the first date, play a mean game of pool, then suddenly seem not quite as ghetto as you expected. Then, as you contemplate the idea of having a relationship with someone who’s never left Brooklyn in her whole life and berthed two children before she was 22 (who now live with the father in Syracuse), she’ll set up a weekend date with you, text you all day about how she’s getting her hair did, and how she can’t wait to party with you. Then she’ll totally bail on you at the last minute without any excuse.  Of course we know the real reason is because her psycho ex stalked her and her body is now mutant fish food at the bottom of the east river.  Either that or the guy she went out with the night before has a car and she decided she’d rather not take the J train into Manhattan wearing that fuchsia slut dress.  Guess what? You’re lucky because you didn’t have to be seen publicly in the Meatpacking district with her. Sometimes, with online dating, the best luck is bad luck.

2.  Never date anyone who doesn’t list their astrology sign.

I’m mean c’mon now really?  Even if you don’t believe in this stuff, just give us some insight into what kind of psychosis or neurosis you’re manifesting in this incarnation.  It can’t be all that bad.  Unless you’re a Scorpio, which means you’re definitely hiding something.  Or your a Virgo which is just a code word for irritating judgemental, hypercritical and hypocritical bitch.  Other than that, Virgos are just awesome.  And no matter how much they pretend to hate you, they’ll still have sex with you if your game is decent.  But probably only once, and you’ll regret it if you ever talk to them again.  Trust me – there’s no good reason to trust people who don’t list their sign. They’re probably narrow-minded and non-spiritual minded in any meaningful sort of way.

3.  If the category for “Body Type” is left blank, just hit block, and pass.

This should be a mandatory profile item.  But let’s just translate blank for what it really means:  “blank” specifically means Body Type.  Trust me, you don’t wanna find out.  Yes, it’s that bad.

Even if it’s not, the fact that a person is unable to make an educated guess about what their body type is means they’re obviously very confused, stupid, or overcome with self-loathing.  Whichever may be the case, it’s nobody you wanna date, unless you’re so desperate that you may be hoping any utterance from another living human’s voice might help drown out the sound of your own soul dying.  Just remember, no body type (along with no full body shot pic) means… FAT.  Sorry, we gotta call a spade a spade here.  Now some guys actually like that, and those are the ones all you sweet BBWs are looking for.  You might as well show them what they’re looking for.  You’ll make the world a better place and give that lucky boy a flatter face.

4.   Contact some girls you know you probably won’t ever wanna date.

When they reply or contact you, just never reply back.  This will list you as “replies selectively” or if you do this enough, “replies very selectively”.  This has the physiological effect of making the girls you actually wanna date feel lucky if they do get a reply from you.  It’s a win win really.  You seem more desirable and less desperate (which is obviously not true).   But the girl who’s now beginning to pine over you will be more excited to meet you in person and may not see through your false cocky veneer to the slimy loser you really are.  This makes for a much better date and, if you play it cool enough, she may sleep with you on the second date instead of making you wait the oh-so-parochial three date minimum. What are these air heads thinking anyway?   Don’t they know that we’re not gonna like them more for making us spend an extra wad of our hard earned cash on their top shelf drinks for yet a third time before we even get to third base?  So you see, a little elusiveness and challenge may be all you need to provide to get that 5 or 6er in the sack a little quicker.

5.  Where’s Waldo pics should be banned altogether.

There’s nothing that pisses me off more than looking at photos with groups of people trying to figure out just who I’m supposed to be trying to date.  I’ll tell you this, more often than not, your girlfriend is cuter than you anyway.  That makes us hate you right off the bat because we already wanna bang your friends and we haven’t even met you yet.  Just stop it.  Also, we don’t wanna see pictures of you feeding children in Angola.  It just makes us feel worse about ourselves to be living in this shitbag of a country, but not bad enough to do much about it so we instead drink more beer, watch more sports, and bang more 5’s.  Just do us all a big favor and keep your do-goodie good bs to yourself.  Sure we’d love to change the world and make a difference but that’s not why we’re ogling your profile.  Look, we really don’t care all that much about your hobbies or interests.  Sure, we’d like to have a few things in common, but it’s all moot if there’s no chemistry.  Go be fabulous and independent on your own time.  In the meantime, show us a good skirt shot or perhaps how you look in a pair of jeans.